If I Were In College Now

If I were in college now:

• I would text my friends to tell them where I was in the library instead of leaving a note in the claws of the stuffed bear. Yep, there was a real stuffed bear and we would write notes and stick them in his claws. Instead I would take a picture of the study room I was in and send it out.


• I wouldn't leave a note on the kitchen table telling my roommates who had called or that I was working an extra shift in the dish room. First of all, no one would call the apartment. Duh, we would all have cell phones. We wouldn't even have a number at the apartment. Answering machine, nope! I would just tweet: working an extra shift in the dishroom.... my life sucks!


• I wouldn't go to the card catalog to look for a book. I probably wouldn't even open a book. I would just Google everything. No digging around for a book, tracking down some douche who has had it for 2 months, nope, Google!


• I wouldn't borrow money to buy a word processor. I would have a Mac Book Pro. I wouldn't print my papers I would send them to my professor electronically.
  


• I wouldn't go to the one hour photo and wait impatiently as my pictures printed and then giggle like an idiot as I went through them. I probably wouldn't even own a camera, I would just take all of my pictures with my i-phone.
  


• I wouldn't need to put money on my media card for copies. Copies are lame. I have everything I need at my fingertips. Google. Remember?


• I wouldn't work in the financial aid office filing a million papers. The files are kept electronically. I hope they would still have me. Financial Aid was so much cooler than the dish room. The dish room was punishment, but there will always be dirty dishes!


• I wouldn't go to my mailbox, 16891, every day hoping for mail. People would not email me. Heck, people would most likely text me, or call me, or even send me a video message. No mail for you!


• I wouldn't waste years of my life on a piece of crap cheater. Facebook would give him away in a hot minute.


• I would not lay in bed worrying our apartment would catch on fire because the stoners next door would burn the place down. I would text them that I saw the police in the parking lot and I heard them knocking on doors downstairs. Potheads are paranoid, it would work!


• I wouldn't lose track of people because we went different directions after school. Staying in touch would be so much easier.


• I wouldn't send out resumes and get rejected 100 times by mail. Nope, I could apply all day long with the push of a button. Rejection letters by mail. Umm, no. You would be lucky to get one electronically.


• I would go straight to grad school. I would get my MFA in photography. I would learn everything there was to know about photoshop, lenses, and running your own small business. I would build a kick cuss website, and fight off business with a stick. I would charge a small fortune and act like I was doing my customer's a small favor by capturing their few moments in such stunning detail even though their pictures would be so processed such a moment could never possibly look that way in real life. Filters baby. Filters!