Monday, February 28, 2011

Read Across America

Do you know who has a birthday on March 2nd? I bet my friend Christopher Nixon does, and I bet if you have kids in the public school system they do too! On March 2nd Dr. Seuss (Theodor Geisel) has a birthday. Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss.

For more information visit I love that they make such a big deal out of it. Even Avery's class is reading Dr. Seuss this week. On Friday they are making Green Eggs and Ham. How fun! I am taking in our Dr. Seuss books tomorrow to share with the class.

There is an awesome article over at Mental Floss called 7 Curious Facts About Dr. Seuss Books. I am pretty sure Ginger has told me most of these in casual conversation. She really is the cutest nerd I know.

Last but not least check out this site for some Seuss awesomeness. It is a bit slow, but I am sure this is a busy week for the Random House site!

Tonight Avery and I read, I Love You Stinky Face, Green Eggs and Ham, and Katy the Caboose (twice). Avery closed his eyes for two minutes after round two of Katy Caboose. When he noticed I had stopped reading he opened his eyes back up and said, "more choo choo mommy!"

Can't argue with that now can you?

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Dear Morgan Freeman, My Apologies

Ok, I feel really bad. I have been having mixed feelings about Morgan Freeman for quite some time now. First let me give you the "why's" before I give you the "for what's".

I have always loved Morgan Freeman. I think he is especially awesome in BatMan. Greg loves Shaw Shank Redemption. He watches it a ton! We are Morgan fans. My mom loves him in Driving Miss Daisy. Love him.

Anyhow, he had some mysterious car accident with his assistant that always seemed suspicious. Then he made this prom special on MTV. So, when I starting watching Teen Mom and it said, Executive Producer Morgan Freeman, I very foolishly assumed it was one and the same.

Poor Greggie hasn't watched Shaw Shank in months. Turns out Teen Mom is in no way, shape, or form related to the good Morgan Freeman.

Mr. Freeman, my apologies, and I did love the prom special. Sorry for assuming you got sucked in to Teen Mom. I should have known better. From this point forward I will refer to you as THE Morgan Freeman, and the other guy, That Douche that is NOT THE Morgan Freeman.

Love your movies!

Saturday, February 26, 2011


One of my most favorite phrases in the whole wide world is "my cup runneth over"! Tonight when I got Avery to sleep I sat down and opened up the laptop. Low and behold, I had some new pictures!

I know I have blogged a ton about Avery and Avery's birthday, but I can't help it. He's my boy!

BFF brought her camera up to the McDonald's in Pilot Mountain, and this is what she got:

Look at the serious look on Avery's face? He cracks me up. He is so stoic!

I love this one. Even though Avery isn't looking or smiling, you can see how happy I am! Love it!

Avery is the king of the backwards glance. He's such a cool customer!

Now this one is my most favorite. Yes, I have a crazy look on my face, but this is what it is all about. A cupcake made specially for you, a couple of candles, and a year's worth of wishes. Nope, it does NOT get any better than this.

My cup runneth over! Thank you BFF. You ROCK!

Friday, February 25, 2011

Teen Mom 2

I really like watching Teen Mom on MTV. This is not something I am proud of and every time I mention it in front of B-Tim he gives me the most giant eye roll you have ever seen. I take it like a champ. I know he is right. It is a horrible show. It is ridiculous, but is it a huge black eye on the part of MTV?

Greg argues that it is completely irresponsible of them to produce the show, that Morgan Freeman should be totally ashamed of himself, and that Dr. Drew is a total sell out. I can't decide. Girls are going to get pregnant with or without this silly show. I can't imagine that there are girls out there that are really getting themselves down with the preggers just because they want to be on MTV. That is insane isn't it?

Can anyone be watching these girls and thinking I want to be like them? Surely not. Don't get me wrong, some of these girls seem to have moments of clarity, but for the most part the are raging dip cusses. I watch with my hand clutched to my chest.

I was petrified when Farrah put her baby in a sink full of water for her bath, and walked in to the next room to sit on the couch while the baby soaked. Seriously, she had one of those open kitchens so she could see the baby, but her freakin' back was to the kitchen. Then the baby turns on the hot water and cries out. I swear, how these babies stay alive is a mystery to me. I am convinced that special angels watch over these babies. They have to. I promise you, if I put Avery in the kitchen sink and walked away he would have landed in the floor on his head.

In another episode Amber ate a steak and baked potato and then left her steak knife right at the baby's level. For real? Not to mention the language she uses and she literally beats up the baby daddy. Literally.

Please explain to me why it never occurs to these girls that their children deserve more. That they are worthy of better? Why don't they want to do more for their children?

The new season is out and I want to shake the crap out of these girls. Why are they entitled to anything? Why do they think they just deserve stuff? The cutest little girl lets some deadbeat schmooze live in her house and contribute NOTHING!!!! Girls are so freakin' stupid. I know I was stupid too, but for the love of gettin' it done, you have a KID! Get your head out of you tiny teenage A** and be a grown up. NOW!

I do applaud the sweet couple who were raised themselves by TOTAL IDIOTS, but had the good sense to let their precious baby girl be adopted giving her a descent shot at life. They seem like some really, really sweet kids. They are wise and mature beyond their years and certainly beyond their raisin'!

What do you think?

Thursday, February 24, 2011

If I Were In College Now

If I were in college now:
  • I would text my friends to tell them where I was in the library instead of leaving a note in the claws of the stuffed bear. Yep, there was a real stuffed bear and we would write notes and stick them in his claws. Instead I would take a picture of the study room I was in and send it out.

  • I wouldn't leave a note on the kitchen table telling my roommates who had called or that I was working an extra shift in the dish room. First of all, no one would call the apartment. Duh, we would all have cell phones. We wouldn't even have a number at the apartment. Answering machine, nope! I would just tweet: working an extra shift in the dishroom.... my life sucks!

  • I wouldn't go to the card catalog to look for a book. I probably wouldn't even open a book. I would just Google everything. No digging around for a book, tracking down some douche who has had it for 2 months, nope, Google!

  • I wouldn't borrow money to buy a word processor. I would have a Mac Book Pro. I wouldn't print my papers I would send them to my professor electronically.

  • I wouldn't go to the one hour photo and wait impatiently as my pictures printed and then giggle like an idiot as I went through them. I probably wouldn't even own a camera, I would just take all of my pictures with my i-phone.

  • I wouldn't need to put money on my media card for copies. Copies are lame. I have everything I need at my fingertips. Google. Remember?

  • I wouldn't work in the financial aid office filing a million papers. The files are kept electronically. I hope they would still have me. Financial Aid was so much cooler than the dish room. The dish room was punishment, but there will always be dirty dishes!

  • I wouldn't go to my mailbox, 16891, every day hoping for mail. People would not email me. Heck, people would most likely text me, or call me, or even send me a video message. No mail for you!

  • I wouldn't waste years of my life on a piece of crap cheater. Facebook would give him away in a hot minute.

  • I would not lay in bed worrying our apartment would catch on fire because the stoners next door would burn the place down. I would text them that I saw the police in the parking lot and I heard them knocking on doors downstairs. Potheads are paranoid, it would work!

  • I wouldn't lose track of people because we went different directions after school. Staying in touch would be so much easier.

  • I wouldn't send out resumes and get rejected 100 times by mail. Nope, I could apply all day long with the push of a button. Rejection letters by mail. Umm, no. You would be lucky to get one electronically.

  • I would go straight to grad school. I would get my MFA in photography. I would learn everything there was to know about photoshop, lenses, and running your own small business. I would build a kick cuss website, and fight off business with a stick. I would charge a small fortune and act like I was doing my customer's a small favor by capturing their few moments in such stunning detail even though their pictures would be so processed such a moment could never possibly look that way in real life. Filters baby. Filters!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Self-Confidence? What's That?


I probably have the worse self-confidence of anyone I know. I was thinking in the shower about how little I have and just why that is. I can't put my finger on it. I could write for days about things that I think could have caused it, reasons I feel the way I do, and why I can't overcome it, but what's the point? At the end of the day I will still be left with little to no self-confidence.

It has gotten a little better since Avery was born, but ultimately I still have very little. I think what I mistake for self-confidence is actually just laziness or apathy. Being insecure is a very time consuming condition.

For example, I would never, ever wear a sleeveless shirt. Not in a million years. Too white, too flabby, and too exposed. I think I have worn a tanktop since Avery was born. Not because I am so confident and self-assured now, nope, not at all. It was the only thing clean.

I hate being this way, but I don't know what to do about it. Therapy is too expensive, and I hate whining. It seems ridiculous to whine to someone and pay them to listen. Pointless. Plus, I am sure I would still struggle with my confidence. A therapist can't whiten my crappy, filling filled teeth. They can't clear up my acne scarred skin, or fix the hump I have on the back of my neck that makes me look like Quasimodo. They can't make my hair awesome, my eyebrows visible, or my eyelashes longer. Thy can't remove these 1000 moles from my fat body, so how could they make me more confident?

I am so jealous of those big girls that you see in way too tight clothes. I am always so jealous of them. They are confident, and even though they might be wearing a shirt that is two sizes too small, they are owning it, and good for them.

I can't even wear a big necklace or dangley earrings without feeling completely uncomfortable. I recently bought a sweater/cardigan that has ruffles down the front and it is a really rich blue/green color. I felt nauseous wearing it in to work and everyone noticed it. Several people even pointed out how it was not me at all, but they liked it.

I don't look in the mirror except when flossing and then only briefly. I hate dressing room mirrors. In college I was so pathetic, I got a 1-800 number so the jerk I was dating could call me for free. PATHETIC. God I hate that memory. What a stupid, pathetic, loser thing to do. BLERG!

The other day when we went to the circus, I took a little time to get ready. I really wanted a picture of Me and Avery at the circus. When I opened the bathroom door Greg said, "Avery look at Mommy, doesn't she look pretty? You look pretty Mommy." That was the first time he has ever said that. He claims I am wrong. He reminded me he said it on our wedding day. He didn't. When I got to the front of the church he said, "You look very nice!" Not the same Greggie, not the same. BTW, I did not get a picture of me and Avery at the circus :O(

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

I Am So Cool, Like Oprah Cool....

If you will recall, back at Christmas, Avery lost his best friend Woobie at the Baby Gap. A super nice girl, I know crazy right, helped us and saved Woobie, tagged him, and he was ready and waiting right where she said he would be. Now the likelihood of this is uncanny. First of all, the fact that we managed to track Woobie down at the mall is amazing. Secondly, the chances of finding a helpful clerk between Thanksgiving and Christmas is quite like finding a needle in a haystack. Thirdly, that this clerk would do what she said she would do, and that the next day Woobie would be recovered the next day is quite literally a Christmas miracle. I don't even believe it myself.

Now, Woobie met with the floor in a fit or grumpiness by Mr. Avery. He was quite perturbed because I would not buy a stuffed rabbit from the Jelly Cat company. I have no idea why I fought him so bad, it was less than $10 and it was super duper cute.

Tonight while Avery was in the tub, I looked over at my O Magazine and saw this picture. First of all, what an adorable toy tote. Available at for $38, 3 Sprouts storage bin. In that very tote is none other than Avery's pal Jelly!

This is Jelly. He really is cute isn't he? That Baby Gap is the best darn store!

So, clearly I am super cool, like Oprah cool right? I also hold myself singularly responsible the the popularity of Rody here in the triad!

Monday, February 21, 2011

Avery and I: Our First Conversation

Last night I had a feeling Avery was getting sick. When I put him in to bed, I laid down in the floor beside of his bed. He rolled around, kicked, squirmed, and jiggled. About 10 minutes had past and he peeped his little eyes over the bumper pad. He looked at me and, though I couldn't see his mouth, he smiled. I could see it in his eyes.

This is how our first conversation went down:
A: whatdoin mommy?
Me: Just laying her in case you need me and so you won't be sad. What are you doing Avery?
A: (while shrugging his shoulders) nite, nite
Me: Ok, if you are nite nite, I am going to go do some laundry.
A: K Mommy

We have never had an exchange of this caliber. It was awesome. I especially loved the look on his face when he said "nite, nite". Duh, Mommy, I am laying here in my jammies in the bed, what do you think I am doing?

I can't wait for many more such conversations. Today, Avery woke up with a fever. Now, he has the flu. Tamiflu is $60. Geepers!

Lillie's Friends?

So, are we going to do Lillie's Friends 5k this year? We did it last year, and I have to be honest, I said I would never do it again. I pushed Avery in the stroller and walked with Leslie and her family. Uncle Jerry even came to town to walk it with us. The thing that super sucked about it was it was in Taglewood and you spent a ton of tie dodging traffic. It was pretty stinkin' frustrating. Plus there was supposed to be this awesome Easter egg hunt, but they ran out of Easter eggs before Leslie's kids age group got a chance to go. Not cool. Don't think me a jerk, I know it is about the cause not the Easter eggs, but try explaining that to a 4 year old that just walked a 5k. Let me know how that works out for you.

Sawyer, Leslie's oldest, literally walked almost the entire thing. He was a champ. We finished dead last and proud as peacocks.

This year the venue has moved. The walk will start at BB&T Park and all of the festivities will be there. The walk will take place through downtown, and I bet they block the streets unlike those tightwads over at Tanglewood. (I have no evidence to support this theory, it just really ticked me off that they couldn't block the road. Walking 5k in the grass with a stroller is no fun!) There are supposed to be over 30k eggs too.

Before you make your decision, this is a video of Lillie that might help with your decision:

So let me know, these things are more fun in a group!

Sunday, February 20, 2011

More Cakes and Desserts

They say it is in times of trouble that you find out who your friends are, for me, it has been quite the opposite. We have had the most fun with friends. Since Avery's arrival we have been to more parties, gatherings, and events that in the prior 36 years. When I decided I wasn't going to have a party for Avery's birthday everyone was very understanding, but they still wanted to see Avery for his big day. He must be the only little boy who didn't have a party, but had a group of people meet him at McDonald's with not one, but two desserts.

First of all BFF volunteered to make cupcakes. Now if you have ever been lucky enough to eat one of BFFs cupcakes you know the only thing to say was, OK! In typical BFF fashion she not only made cupcakes, she made two kinds of cupcakes, displayed them beautifully, and made these awesome picks to decorate them with. She can't help it, it is just how she rolls.

And yes, these cupcakes did taste as good as they looked. My own birthday is in about two weeks. BFF if you happen to read this, I would love to have more of the mini cupcakes in chocolate. MMMMMMMMmmmmmMMMMMM!

I had to include this shot of BFF and her sweet family. Look at Tommy being a sport with the happy birthday tiara. Those things came from the Dollar Tree and they were adorable!

Then Nanny, not to be outdone, stayed up until 3 in the morning making Avery his first Lightning McQueen cake. Pretty cool huh?

Avery went for it. He would have eaten the whole thing if I would have allowed it. Keep in mind, he had already eaten about three of the mini cupcakes at this point!

What a lucky little boy. No party, but three awesome people made three equally awesome desserts just for his second birthday. If that isn't a loved little boy, I don't know what is. Someday I will remind him just how lucky he is. I promise I will teach Avery the power of giving to others and we will share what little wealth we have!

BTW, if you are keeping score, in the month of February we have:
  • Been to Biltmore and had an awesome time.
  • Had two birthday parties, with three kinds of desserts.
  • Gotten a ton of birthday presents even though we said no presents ;O)
  • Seen the circus from the rafters.
  • Started swimming lessons.
We are making the most of these 28 days!

Cuss It, I Failed, but Check Out This Cake!

I really wanted to blog every day in February and I have failed. I am not making excuses, but I will offer an explanation. Yesterday morning we got out of bed and went straight to swimming lessons. From there we drove straight to Blaksburg to celebrate Avery's birthday with Greg's side of the family. We didn't get home until bedtime. Avery was fussy and I laid down in the floor beside of his bed. I woke up at 8:30 this morning about to pee my pants, still fully clothed with a horrible headache. UGH!

We had a great time in the Burg, and the highlight was this cake:

Greg's brother's Girlfriend (is that not the most ridiculous phrase ever?) Sara is a trained pastry chef. Everything she makes is an absolute masterpiece. You may recall her work from last year:

It is crazy to think about how much time, work, and talent goes in to something like this! I can't even imagine, and I have to admit, I am insanely jealous. I want to be this good at something. I keep trying to get her to open her own shop, but she just does this on the side, for fun!

Avery of course, loved it. Cars is his most favorite movie. He loves it. We were all in awe of it. Cutting it was sheer torture. Sarah even ate a piece. It seemed a bit like a cannibal to me, but after all of that hard work, I imagine you deserve a piece!!

The details were amazing. Tires, headlights, road signs, even cacti with flowers.

No detail went unnoticed. Lightning's real number is 95, but for today he was number 2. Isn't this cake worth missing a day for? I thought so.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Angelcare AC401

I have heard many people discussing their most favorite baby item or the item that they found to be the most valuable, etc. For me, my most favorite is also the most controversial!

My friend Dawn had a very premature baby and they bought and loved the Angelcare. Then BFF had a baby and she got the Angelcare. To be honest, I don't know that I would have ever heard of or noticed the Angelcare had they not both told me about it.

Since I knew about it, when Avery came along I wanted the Angelcare, and people gave me crap about it. Seriously. Crap. Even when I got it as a gift people flat out told me I didn't need it.

First of all let me explain what the Angelcare does. It is just like a traditional monitor. If your baby cries, you hear it. It is a traditional monitor in that sense. What is does, that is amazing, is monitor your childs movement. If there is no movement in 20 seconds you get an alarm. I cannot tell you how much security this thing gave me. When Avery finally started actually sleeping for any period of time it was really scary. I wore myself out checking on him. Eventually I came to trust the monitor, and it didn't take long. If I woke up and Avery was still asleep I didn't have to go in and check on him. The monitor let me know he was ok.

I won't sell you on this, but let me just tell you this one thing. This monitor will let you know if your child stops breathing. It will keep you from running up steps or down hallways or across the house to make sure your little one is ok.

I can't imagine anything scarier than Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. It is such a scary, horrible thing. The monitor didn't remove any worry, but it did help. It helped tremendously.

Most people are going to have a monitor anyway. This one just does a little more. We had a handful of false alarms, and the first one was horrible. With each one it was a little less stressful. The monitor also measures temperature and can give you an alarm if the temperature drops below or goes above a certain level. Our heat went out in the middle of the night once. Greg and I didn't notice. We just slept through it, but the monitor let us know that the temperature had dropped below 60 degrees in Avery's room.

I have loved, loved, loved the Angelcare!!!

Thursday, February 17, 2011


Ok, I did not love The Hangover. I know I am one of the few people in the whole wide world. The first trailer I saw tore me up. I laughed out loud, then I laughed some more, and then my head hurt because I couldn't stop laughing. I watched it, on video, long after that first trailer and I only semi liked it. I hated the parts with the baby. Even when I suspend belief, I still hate them. I know it sounds very hypocritical coming from a girl who loves Teen Mom, but gracious those baby seems really cussed me off. I also generally love the super cute guy. He generally plays such a lovable character, but he was a mega douche in The Hangover.

I had never even heard of this movie. Bridesmaids? Really? A girl version of The Hangover? I am not sure how I feel about this, but for gracious sake, this trailer is funny. I think this movie has some incredible potential. I won't actually see it in the theater, but I can't wait to talk to my friends who still see movies about it. You can't go wrong with Wigg. I think this is going to be a winner!

In the meantime, take 2 minutes and watch this trailer. I hope it doesn't have all of the funny parts in it!!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

My Valentine

This isn't just any handprint
As you can plainly see.
For it is a special handprint
Made by Me!
With this handprint I sent
Lots of hugs and kisses your way.
And ask that God bless you
On this Valentine's Day!

When I was in High School I couldn't have hated Valentine's Day even a little bit more. I hated it. I am pretty sure I was the only one of my friends who never had a Valentine. I went to a pretty small school and it was a day I dreaded every single year. Yuck.

Then came college and it was really no better. Actually I probably hated it more. I seemed to be the only person interested in celebrating a fun, friendly Valentine's. It was all about having a "man"! Ugh!

Then along came my friend Greg Linkous. After about a year of being friends I got the biggest crush on that chubby cheeked nerd. It was bizarre. He was going to be out of town for Valentine's Day, but he came in to work and left a Valentine in my drawer. Being the goober that he is, he left it in a drawer I rarely opened and he didn't bother to leave a note. I admit, I was a bit crushed. I really hoped he would get me at least a card, but nada. Late on the afternoon of Valentine's Day he called to ask me what I thought of my gift. Of course, I hadn't found it, but he told me where it was and it was so sweet. It was one of those cheesy tubes of Reece's cups with a heart on top and a card. The card was signed "heart, Greggie". It was at that point, Valentine's Day changed for me.

Several years later Greg would propose on Valentine's day, and seven years later sweet Avery would make his grand appearance on the same day.

Today when I dropped Avery off at school, I found another reason to love Valentine's day.

Love it!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011


  • Today was a super weird day. It was a little bit frustrating, a little bit reassuring, at little bit scary, and a whole lot long. Well, at least the part between 8 and 5. Have you ever witnessed something that left your jaw dropped, but felt helpless to do anything about it? That describes my today.
  • Avery's new class at school continues to be awesome. His teacher, both of them actually, is/are great. Our mornings are so much better. Avery still gets upset, but Miss Shanda has this weird gift. She just holds out her arms, picks Avery up, and watches me out the door. It sounds so simple, but it works. He jumps right up to her, remains a little skeptical, but I can leave without a giant lump in my throat and I usually get a little grin, a wave, and sometimes he blows me a kiss. I cannot express in words how awesome this is. I still really miss the daily sheet and feel lost without it. My boy really is a big boy now!
  • I know I talk about it a lot, but today's Woot Shirt is awesome. I really had to reason with myself pretty hard not to buy it. It really is awesome right? Both Ginger and Lindsey had the same reaction when they saw it. "Wow, I wish this really existed!" Well, yes. That would be the ultimate right? You are sitting there, all stale and dusty, and you hear it. It is quiet and first, and you aren't sure you are hearing it. Is it your imagination? No! You definitely hear it. Yep! It is the fresh idea truck. I think we could all use a fresh idea. Me, I would want something cool, like Jelly Bellys. Good one! Jelly Beans have only been around as long as Jesus, but this guy comes around, adds a few flavors, makes them smaller, and exceedingly more expensive and calls them Jelly Bellys. Well done old lad, now that's a Fresh Idea.
  • Do yourself a favor now. If you haven't seen the movie Leap Year rent is ASAP. This is such a cute little movie. I instantly added it to my Wath-a-go-zillion-times list. You will too. Unless you are B-Tim, and you will just roll your eyes and curse me for mentioning it. It really is a chick flick, but a good one. Greggie might kill me for saying so, but he liked it too! I should admit that my movie love doesn't run too deep. I like to smile, feel good, and have a nice happy ending.
  • Do you think FaceBook has changed the way you use the internet? It is the weirdest thing. I was thinking about it today when I needed to escape to a happy place. I used to check CNN daily. I cannot remember the last time I went to CNN, other than today, and it was down most of the day. You can bet your sweet cuss I check FB several times a day. Weird right? Do you think it will wear off, go away, or just get bigger? Will something else come along? I am so curious to see.
  • Total side note. For Avery's Birthday I didn't want to have a party. It was so stressful last year, and I felt like I missed the whole thing. We just me a few friends at McDonald's and let Avery play on the play land. It was perfect. We did miss a lot of our friends, but it was so nice not to be stressed. I bought these little happy birthday crowns at the dollar tree and they ended up being the coolest things ever! The Dollar Tree really is an awesome place isn't it? It isn't just me that feels this way right??

Monday, February 14, 2011

Let There Be Cake, and There Was Cake

Yesterday we met just a few friends at McDonald's to eat and play at the Playland. BFF made cupcakes. The tasted like heaven and looked like this:

I double especially loved the chocolate covered ones. If the girls in the playgroup get wind of these Allison will never, ever leave the kitchen.

Then Nanny made this:

As you can see, Avery loved it.

I will have a few more posts dedicated to Avery's Birthday. Just bear with me!

Thanks for the awesome cupcakes BFF. Your rock!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

True Love

Tomorrow is the big day. Love it or hate it, Cupid will make his rounds tomorrow. You know how I feel about Valentine's Day. If you don't, you haven't been listening. I say go big. Love it. No pun intended. Yes, it is a made up holiday. Yes, people will spend a ton of money on roses and cards. Yes, there will be tons of chocolate. So what! You don't have to conform. If you hate roses and chocolates, write a note, buy a box of cheesy kid's valentines, or make your own (Lindsey, we have missed a holiday with you and Mia!).

I think it is such a fun day. If you decide to be a big old grump about it, that is on you. Not me, I think I will spend the day sharing the love. You should do the same!

Today's Woot Shirt says it all.......

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Naked No No

Today was Avery's swimming lesson. He was much more at ease that last week. Avery and I went to the women's locker room to get ready. When we came out Greggie was sitting on the bleachers, his head nestled in his hands, elbows on his knees, softly shaking his head with his eyes closed. I couldn't figure out what happened. We both left our cell phones in the car and Avery was with me, but he looked so forlorn it really scared me. I actually yelled out to him across the pool. He made eye contact and assured me he was ok.

Avery and I walked around the pool to the bleachers and Greggie seemed ok. First let me set the stage for you. Greg is super duper modest. More modest than me if you can believe that. He tells me that men just roam around the locker room with their junk hanging out like it's cool. When he used to referee high school football he was always amazed with how "open" folks were with their wardrobe changes.

Today, was more than I think Greggie could stand. He walked in to the Men's locker room and he said there was a giant harry man standing there in the mirror, buck naked, wearing only yellow crocks, shaving. Greg described him as the big guy in Borat. If you haven't seen Borat, don't, but Google the big guy.

Greg was completely blown away by this guy. He talked about it so much I had to ask him to hush. The last thing I want in my head is a buck naked, hairy, super big guy, in nothing buy yellow crocks.

For the record, this is not the case in the women's locker room. I haven't seen any naked parades or shaving. TG!

Side note, I had a blast at the swimming lesson and I was so distracted by Borat's naked friend, I didn't spend more than 5 minutes thinking about my pale exposed lard cuss. It has been so long since I did any swimming. When I got of the pool my legs felt like they weighed a ton. I could barely lift them. It was the weirdest thing.

Avery did great today too! The instructor is such a cutie and she has a great attitude. We had a really great lesson!!

Friday, February 11, 2011


I am super nervous. Silly right? A grown up, close to 40. So close I can taste it. I will, after all be 38 in just a couple of weeks. Nervous! As in I feel nauseous, I am not sure I can do it, nervous! In just a few short hours I will be getting in to the pool, in public, in a bathing suit. Man alive, I do hate the thought. It is true, we really will do anything for our kids won't we? Oh well, God forbid the guys over at the Y in King don't think I'm hot anymore after they see me in my bathing suit. Eeeek!

Today I was reminded of two times when language was not my friend. The stories won't be funny in writing since a key part of them are pronunciation which is really hard to get across non-verbally. Let me just give you this tip. If you move in to a new house and you meet your neighbor, do not assume their name is what they say to you. How's that now? How would someone not know their own name. Well, they do, let's just say pronunciation is like Karma, she can be a cuss. My neighbor's name is "Mirm". Imagine squirm, with a "mi" in the place of the "squ". Mirm! Don't be surprised when 7 years later, you go to the mailbox and find a piece of mail in your box for someone by the name of Myriam Benge. Yep, Mirm! I'm just sayin'.

And, if someone invites you over to their house to eat "sopper", don't ask what's in it. It is made of different things you see, and everyone eats it. "Sopper" is a little thing I like to call dinner. Dinner can be eaten at home or in a diner. "Sopper", as I understand it, does not include animal intestine linings, no matter how much it sounds like it might. Maybe if my "soppers" and dinners were a little healthier, I wouldn't fear the pool so much. BLERG!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Fun Stuff

Today I was looking for something for work and I stumbled upon this instead:

Now if you are still resisting Valentine's Day, surely this changed your mind right?

If you have 5 minutes you have to go here. Such cute stuff. Amazing how a typeo can lead to such cuteness!

Today got tense for a few minutes, and then Meghan told me the funniest thing. First of all she had a pair of boots delivered to work today. They were super cute and she put the on immediately. She told me she wanted some jeggings to go with them. She has the body for it, why not? After lunch Meghan told me she went out and bought her jeggings. Ready for the really funny part? She was wearing them. Even funnier? She put them on in the parking lot. Funny right?

Hold on, there's more. B came over to tell me about a customer that was unhappy. He called them promptly at 8 am est. Guess what? The customer is in California so he planned to leave a message. Guess what else? He didn't realize he had the customer's cell number. Double guess what next?? Yep, the customer answered at 5 a.m. their time. Hehehehehehe! There you are, you wanted something to be mad about, we aim to please. Poor B! I shouldn't have laughed, but I did. A LOT!

Tomorrow is Friday. Get excited, you've earned it.

I am dreaming of elephants, clowns, cupcakes, and little boy giggles. Happy Friday Ham Plate!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

What's on Your Mind this Week?

Ginger stole my camera and wouldn't give it back, this is one of the resulting images. The rest shall remain a mystery!
3 people today told me that they are enjoying the daily blogging. 3! Today was stellar!

What are you thinking about this week? What is on your mind? What's keeping you awake, making you happy, keeping you ticking?

For me there are so many things, some profound, some small, but all on my mind. It doesn't have to be big to be on your mind:
  1. My baby boy is turning 2 on Valentine's Day. I can't even begin to tell you the gazillion thoughts I have on this subject, but yes, it is WAY on my mind.
  2. How much more can I take of the shelter without my heart breaking? Ginger volunteers at Forsyth County Animal Control every Tuesday. I look at the website and it kills me. Ginger recently adopted Leroy from the shelter. He is a great little guy, but so many of them aren't as lucky and it kills me to think about it. Ginger is trying so hard to make a difference and she is, but it also frustrates me how limited she is in what she "can" give to the shelter. Just today we were brainstorming some stuff for work and I was reminded by what great ideas she has, but that she isn't able to exercise them. UGH! Ginger, I hope it is ok to say this here, and I will not stop pushing you until you tell me to stop.
  3. Why do so many people hate Valentine's Day? You don't have to love it, but why hate it? You also don't have to be in Love to love it. Every year I want to go to the aisle and buy a box of kid's Valentine's and just hand them out to my co-workers, the mailman, you name it. It is just a day to tell someone they are special. I think it is so much fun!
  4. Biltmore. Biltmore is on my mind this week. I had such a good time up there. I am so curious about every room. I can't wait to go back and see the flowers in bloom.
  5. Egypt. You might not know this about me, but I am fascinated with mummies and pyramids. I love to watch anything on the subject. I think it stems from a trip to see Ramsees the Great in high school. It was such a fun day and it was so weird to be so close to a real live mummy. Yes, I know, mummies are not alive. This unrest in Egypt is so puzzling to me. I don't understand it. I get why they are mad, but how do they know who is who? How do you know in a street brawl who the enemy is? Do you stop and introduce yourself, is there something in the way you are dressed, I just don't get it. I head today that some of King Tut's artifacts had been damaged in the chaos. Such a shame.
  6. Avery started a new room this week at school. Today was his third day and he barely cried when I left. I really like the teachers, but I don't get a daily sheet any more. I have no idea how long his nap was or how he ate. I feel so lost.
  7. We are going to the circus on Saturday. This makes me very, very happy. I hope Avery will love it! I have noticed lots of people listing a trip to the circus in their FB status. I wonder who we might see there?
  8. My sweet friend Christy. She had a knot in her neck that she ignored for a bit, and then went to the doctor to have it checked. Turns out it is cancer. Christy is going to be just fine. I can feel it in my bones, but it is so scary. Put her on your list for me. Think happy good thoughts. She has two super sweet little kids and she needs all of the good vibes she can get.
  9. Frustration. I struggle with frustration. I stew on things. I have a handful of things that I have been stewing on and I am hoping I can get them out of my head very soon. Stewing it such a giant waste of time. I wish I could be more duck-like. Quack, quack!!
  10. Pictures. I really do love pictures and I love taking pictures. Can I be honest for a minute about pictures? It really bugs me when people don't love and/or appreciate pictures. If you are fortunate enough to land in front of my camera, I sure hope I capture something that you want to print and put behind glass. It sure does make me happy! I have a wedding coming up in April and I am so excited. (Jen don't you want to come tag team again???) Ginger took a family picture of us at Biltmore that I la-la-lovity-love. I will love it for the rest of my life. Don't you love it too?

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Biltmore Part 1 of TBD

Is there a place that you just love and you can't put your finger on why? Loving a place is one thing, but loving it and not being able to say just why is quite another. I had never been to Biltmore, and honestly never even considered it. Greggie really loves history, and he enjoys the mountains so it occurred to me we should try Biltmore.

We went and we LOVED it. Every time we go we LOVE it more. Going with four other people who love it makes it even more fun. This time we spent some time in the downtown area and it made me love Biltmore and Asheville. I really am in love with the area.

There wasn't a single flower in bloom, the grass was kind of brown/green, and the place was still stunning.

Thank you Biltmore for another amazing day! I wanted to take about a million pictures, but it was super windy and I feel like I bug the cuss out of people with my camera. I did manage to get a couple of reluctant shots from the peanut gallery!

First up was B-Tim. He is always such a serious poser. Doesn't this look like it could be on the cover of Men's Health or some fitness magazine?

Next, B-Tim's lovely bride, RA. RA is the best kindergarten teacher ever, so you won't find too many silly pictures of her out there. You've gotta be careful when you are a teacher.

As you can tell from RA's gloved hands, it had gotten pretty cool by this point. It gets cold in Asheville and it gets cold quick!

Who knew Christopher could be such a jokester. When we had our picture taken in the house he busted out the Charlie's Angel pose lickety split, but Ginger gave him the cut-it-out eyes and he opted for a sweet smile instead.
I managed to pull a little silly out of him for this one!

Then there was Ginger. I was expecting pure seriousness and a stoic nice smile. Well surprise, surprise, surprise. Look who has a freak flag, she just doesn't fly it:

The Vanderbilt's were no sticks in the mud and they built this house for fun and relaxation. I am sure it brings them great joy to know people are having this much fun in their front yard!

Wait until Ginger blogs about the creepy grown up couple making out in the Halloween room. In their defense they had just passed what I think may be the only nude image in the whole house (I had never actually noticed it before), they were right past the bowling alley, and we had just been through a party room. If that doesn't get you worked up what will? I am just sorry I missed it. Both Ginger and RA looked like they had just been pepper sprayed or seen santa with his pants around his mistletoe!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Dear Martha Stewart, Are You Kidding Me?

Ok, I have been thinking this for a while, but I have to get it off of my chest. I love Martha Stewart's Magazine, her craft line, her kids magazine, and her show. The woman surrounds herself with brilliance. She went to the big house, and she still has more money than I will ever see in a lifetime. She has to be one of the most successful ex-cons of all times. Can you imagine how dramatically your life would change if you spent a year in the hokie? I would say it would be quite an update to your current lifestyle.

I legitimately thought spending some time in the BIG HOUSE might bring Martha down a notch or two, but I think she has more success than ever. One of my favorite parts of each issue of Martha Stewart Living is the Great Finds section. I swear, it has gotten completely ridiculous. The prices are insane. Yeah, it is a great find if you are one of the freakin' Kardashians. On the front page of Great Finds this month:

Cool right? I mean it is a tree, and a bookshelf, and it is super cute. Take a wild guess at how much it might cost you to secure such bookshelf. Before you guess you should know it is 6-foot-6 3/4-inches tall.

You ready for the big reveal? $2,500!!!! Wow! What a GREAT FIND MARTHA! I will take 3 of them. Since I know you are going to want one too, here's the website:

Maybe I shouldn't pick on Martha. It must be so difficult to be filthy stinkin' rich. Poor, poor ex-con!!

Sunday, February 6, 2011

It Went Swimmingly....

Saturday morning we were up and off. Off to the YMCA in King for Avery's first swimming lesson. I am always amazed at how much stuff one little guy needs. I know I over pack, and on top of that, I always forget at least one thing. UGH!

We arrived at the Y early. That never happens. We managed to find the locker room and get to class promptly. Avery was very scared walking through the showers. It was hot and weird, and when we opened the door to the pool he was not very happy. It didn't occur to me to take a lock, so I was dragging everything along to the pool and I was fully clothed. It was so freakin' hot in there I thought I was going to faint. The good news is, for the first time in 2 days I could breathe through my nose. Avery reminded me of the dogs at the vets office. He would not move a muscle. He was frozen.

Lucky for me Greggie had agreed to be the parent in the pool, so he came over and coaxed the little man over to the pool area. It was at this point that I noticed a couple of sets of parents there for the class. It had not been something I even considered. We could both get in the pool with him! Dang this lack of common sense. Avery seemed really distracted by my being there and not being "in".

He was pretty afraid during the class, and I can't say that I blame him. There were some weirdos in there tossing their kid around like a pool toy. This kid was wearing a necklace, and he spent about as much time under the water as he did above it. I will be honest, I think these people were showing off. Everyone was looking at them, and they loved it. The kid was like a freakin' tadpole. He didn't need a class, he needed to be leading a clinic for the love of swim fins.

Once class was over, there were 15 minutes to swim at your leisure. During this time Avery really loosened up and even smiled and laughed.

Today I bought a one piece bathing suit (a requirement of the class) and next Saturday I will take a lock and I will be in the pool with my boys! I can't wait. Bless the hearts of any and all in attendance. Shamoo is making an appearance in King, NC!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Curious Sisters That I Like to Blog Stalk

I have been following a blog for quite a while. I loved it and then the author almost died in a plane crash. Since then she has become quite famous, and if I am honest with you, a little too "sellish" since her recovery. Don't get my wrong, she has every right to earn a nice living and have nice things, and maybe it is all in my head, but it seems like her celebrity has changed her blog. She is always showing some gift sent to her or her children, or some speaking engagement, or selling her calendar. The calendar did it for me. That cuss calendar was mentioned about a million times. Again, she has a right to earn, I just miss the days of her honest blog about how much she was in LOVE with her husband (which kind of wore me out, she seemed to be in constant heat) and how much she loved her kids. I never loved everything she wrote, but I was most definitely a follower.

Then the small plane her husband was piloting fell from the sky and she was burned very badly, alive, and in a medical coma. This girl was beautiful, and she still is, but the accident really changed her look.

While NIE was sleeping, I started following her siter CJANE. CJANE is very alike and very different from her sister Stephanie. Her blog has also changed considerably since Stephanie's accident. I do still love both blogs, and I admire both writers.

I found this picture on CJANE's blog and I heart it so much I had to share. Isn't this the best picture? I think I heart it!

Friday, February 4, 2011

Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I Love You, Tomorrow, Your Only A Day Away....

I have been looking forward to Tomorrow for a while now. Sometime in November/December I said to Ginger, casually, I thought, that as a Biltmore season passholder if she couldn't find anyone to take her free tickets Greggie and I would love to use them. Well, imagine how thrilled I was when Ginger asked me if we wanted to take her up on the tickets! I was over the moon excited. Biltmore is EXPENSIVE, but worth every penny.

Just a few days ago it occurred to me how incredibly rude and forward it was of me to do what I had done to Ginger. Honestly, she and Christopher have the MOST friends of anyone I know. They both have siblings and parents in the area in addition. Ginger is such a nice person, and I am sure once I asked her for those tickets she would have never considered just telling me no.

So tomorrow, I am going to Biltmore. Sorry friends and family of Ginger. I have weasled my way in to your free pass. Please don't hate me, I didn't do it on purpose. The year Greg and I were season passholders we had a devil of a time giving our free passes away. We are not as popular as Team Nixon!!

Tomorrow is also Avery's very first swimming lesson at the King YMCA. I am so excited. Greggie has agreed to be the parent in the pool. I dodged a bullet there. I am hoping lots of fun pictures will follow!

Today, however, is the most precious little boy's birthday, Skylar Christian Lawson, a little boy who came along and saved us all. (Part of this post was deleted, not because it wasn't true, but because some wildly misinformed "anonymous" coward who "knows my family well" is raising my blood pressure with untrue, unsubstantiated comments, that I will not rebut here.) Wild horses couldn't keep me away from this boy. Happy Birthday sweet Skylar. You are still my best pal!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

My First Cousin

Can you believe this is my first cousin? This is my mom's little sister's youngest son. The kid who had a pet squirrel. I know it is hard to believe, but I am genetically related to this boy. I am super proud of him. He has used his good looks to serve him well. Ryan has traveled all over the world and is now living in New York City.
Tomorrow is Friday. My favorite day of the week. We have a big weekend on tap. Swimming lessons Saturday morning followed by a trip to Biltmore. It might not be New York City, but it sounds like a ton of fun to me.

Is this totally lazy blogging? I hope not, I consider it a teaser!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Celebrate Valentine's Day - We love it!

Love Hugs Kisses Valentine's Day 5x7 folded card
Modern greeting cards and party invitations by Shutterfly.
View the entire collection of cards.

Just to get February started right, I brought these to work today.

I do apologize to my co-workers. They are all P90x-ing, dieting, and counting calories. I am all washing down Krispy Kremes with Dr. Peppers. Please don't mistake my shame and honesty with bragging!