Is There Something Wrong With Me?

I keep wanting to feel ok about working. I want to feel like my work is meaningful. I want to get fulfillment from work. I read these blogs from other working moms and they talk about how they can't imagine not working because they get and need all of the fulfillment from their work. I bet they are super cool things like doctors, lawyers, nurses, social workers, teachers, paramedics, and all of those other jobs that are meaningful. Right? That's why they feel so fulfilled. Right?

I am not judging these people. I actually quite envy them. They must not hate driving to work every day. I bet the whistle while they work just like those goofy dwarfs that hung out with Snow White. Lucky girls indeed.

I do feel quite fulfilled when I am with Avery. I can't imagine having room for any more fulfilled. For example:

1. Avery makes a hysterical poop face. Generally that means his diaper is "filled"
2. Avery loves to play, and I love to play with him. The requires a lot of time, so our calendar is "filled"
3. Avery eats every few hours. We have to keep his little Buddah tummy "filled"
4. Avery smiles when he sees me coming, when he wakes up from a nap, or when I talk to him. This "fills" my heart with joy.
5. Avery loves to take a bath, so we have to "fill" the tub.
6. We empty the toy bakets when we play, and later I have to "fill" the baskets back up
7. We go through a lot of clothes, and as a result I have to "fill" the washer and dryer a lot
8. I "fill" the diaper caddy, the wipes container, bottles, diaper bags, i "fill" a lot

These are just the fulfilling things that came to me off the top of my head. I do wish I made the rules. Here's how it would go:

1. If you are one of those girls who needs to work. Have at it sister. I'm just not wired that way. Maybe I am just really lazy? Ok. Sure. Whatever. I don't mind that label.
2. If you aren't one of those girls, you can stay at home. Stay with me. It will be so much fun. Not all fun mind you. We still need to be responsible and practical and do that stuff that needs to be done.
3. We will have playgroups and not ones that require a survey with a pass/fail. We will hang out with the girls that we have known all of our lives, or that we met at our old job, or our family.
4. We will sing songs, paint pictures, have adventures..... if I made the rules. ugh!