Snow Day, No Way

Today was a hot mess. I know you know what I mean. You've all had these days. For some reason a little bit of ice brings out the pure idiot in people. Seriously. IDIOT!

Anyhow, it really go me thinking about things I've heard over the past year that really made me scratch my head. Some were sickening, some were shocking, some were infuriating, and some were just downright funny.

Challenge give me a list of 10 things that made you go, "what the what!" this past year. Here are 2 to get you started. I reserve the right to add more!

1. My friend Christy describing our friend D's lady friend: "Well, she's really pretty, but she's missing right many of her teeth?" I'm sorry Christy, did you just say the toofless 20 something is pretty? Can you say Meth Head Christy?
2. My other friend, who's name I can't say here, who said to me about her friend who is pregnant by her best friend's husband: "She's really nice!" Hmmm, do really nice girls really get pregnant by their best friend's husbands? No sweet pea. They do not. Sorry.

The Light Scoop = Heaven

I hate the flash on my camera and I try with all of my might to only take pictures without it. That is easier said that done with a little one and 5:15 sunsets. Last year for my birthday BFF bought me the best gift ever: the light scoop

I have taken my share of horrible pictures with the flash, but this thing makes the most incredible difference. I love it. I have the Warming version. Love, love, love it.

Here is a picture with the flash:
Skylar is still super adorable, and his gingerbread house is AWESOME, but come on now. Look at that shadow. ugh!!!

With the Light scoop:Heaven right? Add this to you Christmas list Kendra Nixon Wooten, Ginger Richter Nixon and Leslie Rippy Campbell. You will love your camera even more than you do now.

It really took me a while to trust the tool, but once I really gave it a chance and learned what makes it tick on my camera everything changed. I don't need beautiful sunlight anymore. I love, love, love it!!

My settings: f2.2, shutter 1/200, iso 800, flash on (obviously, duh!), exposure compensation +2.

I love you Light Scoop. Thanks BFF!

P.S. I am not getting paid for this endorsement in any way. This is a public service announcement from me to you, the reader.

Shame on You, Shame on Me

Last year I waited until Christmas Eve to take Avery to see Santa. I had myself talked out of it, and then panic struck. What was I doing? I couldn't not have Avery's picture taken on Santa's lap, so off to Hanes Mall I go on Christmas Eve. We stood in line ALL DAY LONG. Literally. ALL DAY LONG, only to have one of the very merry elves (Yes, I am being sarcastic) tell us we probably wouldn't make it. The pregnant mom in front of us burst in to tears. A bit much I thought, but she was really skinny, really pregnant, a pretty jacked up on hormones so I gave her a get out of jail free card. The good news is, we made it, and we got our picture. It was so freakin' expensive that I had to combine Avery and Skylar's in to one. I couldn't pay for both of them and the picture wasn't even that great.


So this year, I promised myself I wouldn't wait that long and I would only buy the digital image just like last year. Guess what? You can't only buy the digital image. What? Yep, you can't and the pictures are even MORE expensive. So again, I had to combine the picture, which is fine, but INSANE. Package B $40: 4 5x7s, 2 3x5s, 4 wallets, and the digital image. You also get a $20 gift card to Shutterfly. I do love Shutterfly, but I wonder why they affiliate themselves with this outfit. The pictures are not great. In the wallets it looks like Avery has 4 eyes. Santa looks totally cracked out. He looks like they stole him from the old folks home and he is having a moment of clarity just as she snaps the picture.

Why do I put this pressure on myself? Why?? Anyhow, it is done. Picture secure, no pressure. I am mad at myself for being a sucker, and madder at myself for being a follower. Also, shame on you Hanes Mall for making the pictures so expensive. These crappy quality pictures cannot cost this much to print. I am sure this is a huge cash cow for you. It would totally be worth it if the money was going to a good cause, which I am sure it is not! Next year will someone please help me find an alternative to this nonsense? I want a picture of Avery on Santa's lap, and I would like to be able to not get an ulcer thinking about the cost. Is that too much to ask? I think not. Oh crap, that reminds me, I have a Santa suit that may fit Avery this year. Stay tuned.....

On a complete side note, look at how much my boy has changed. WOW!!!

Thankful......

Today I am thankful for this. Even if there was nothing else, this would be enough. Photo Credit: Jen Fagan @ New Shoe
But there is more, much more, none more important or special than this, but special, important, and worthy of gratitude just the same.
Thanks for it all!

Christmas Cards

Some people call them Holiday Cards, which is fine, but I call them Christmas Cards. A few times in my life, I have had to call them Holiday Cards. Why you ask?? Well, truth be told, I got really behind and had to send the old, "Hope you had a great Christmas, Happy New Year!", edition. Not because social etiquette dictated the choice, procrastination did!

This year, I am so excited about Cards. I recently made a Shutterfly book about Halloween and it came out great. I did have a couple of mistakes, but overall I would call it a success:

Click here to view this photo book larger

Also, it keeps the pictures from living in my camera or in a folder on my pc. They are alive! I love it!!

So, back to Christmas Cards..... I love getting them, comparing designs, looking back to last year's and how much everyone has changed, and most of all knowing that someone took the time to address that card just to us at such a busy time. I know, sappy right? There are people I don't hear from all year, but I get that card. I can't help it, I am a sucker for a canceled stamp. Call me old fashioned, but I will take a real card over an e-card any day. I know, I know, the environment prefers e-cards. I love the Earth too. Heck, I recycle everything I can, but I still love my cards! I don't throw them away, so I am doing my part!!!

This year I am doing a Shutterfly card. I did Thanksgiving ones for the family:

Cool Cornucopia Fall Greeting

Unique party invitations and greeting cards by Shutterfly.

View the entire collection of cards.

I know he is mine, but this is cute right?

I also have made three calendars for Christmas presents. I can't talk about them here. Who knows who is watching and I don't want to spoil any surprises! You can make your own here, http://share.shutterfly.com/share/received/welcome.sfly?fid=990c1d46b8578dc6&sid=0Act2Lhm4cM2LvA ,and let me give you a little tip: You can put a picture on every single date/day if you want to. There is no limit and what a way to use up a bunch of pictures. You could even pick a day of the week and put a photo on, for example, every Friday!

These are my favorite cards:
This one!
This one!
This one!
and this one

Keep you eye on the mailbox!! Let me know what you think!

Shutterfly wants to give you a chance to enjoy their cards too! Check it out!!

Happy 3rd Birthday Abby!

Today we headed to Jamestown to celebrate another Abby and another big day. How these children are so grown is quite the mystery to me, but that calendar doesn't lie. If you don't already have kids, or your kids are under three NOW HEAR THIS: you only get 2 years out of a baby. Two years. After that they are short teenagers. They speak in full sentences, pick their own clothes, music, and activities. Grown ups in pretty cotton patterns I tell you.

Abby got a robe for her birthday. A robe! I got my mom a robe for Christmas last year. A robe! And she loved it. She screeched, "I got a robe!". She put it on, and she didn't take it off.

Have you heard? 3 is the new 17! Dear Children, please slow down, you are killing me.

How Can Someone So Cute Be So Contrary?

I love Avery. I love him more than I knew it was possible to love someone, and I wouldn't take anything for him. Really! However, this boy is killing me this week. He has kicked, screamed, slapped, bitten, ignored, defied, and outright been an A #1 Mad Man for over a week now.

He does have a bit of a runny nose and a stomach bug has been moving through his classroom, but I am genuinely at the end of my rope with this boy. I really don't know what to do with him. I don't want him to be that jerky kid that no one wants to be around, but that is the direction he is going in.

We were in Sam's the other day and he knocked his water off of the table violently. I don't even know what ticked him off. He will never express sorrow. He know the signs for "please" and "thank you" and he uses them a lot. He will not sign sorry for anything. When he gets mad he throws his pacie, pulls my hear, slaps, and scratches. He is like a little crazy feral cat. If he hissed I might have him tested for rabies. It hurts my heart and it is embarrassing. It crushes me that Avery inherited my temper. As I slammed the washer and yelled at the top of my lungs, "Greg you are a dead man!" it occurred to me, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. All roads lead back to "Crazy Town". I guess you can't fight DNA. UGH!

We only have three days of work this week. I am going to try to leave work on time and get home and in to bed early. Maybe he is overly tired. If he rips my glasses off of my face and throws them on the ground one more time I might just start crying and not stop.

Why would you be so mean to the person who does the most in the world for you? BTW, my least favorite thing when he is really acting like an idiot is when someone comes up, takes him away from me, and asks him what I have done to him. Tonight, when I was trying to put on his pjs he bit me on the forehead. OUCH!

Well Howdy Ho Old Friend

Man, I would love to be one of those girls who gets paid to blog. You know the ones. Super cute girl with really nice camera, cute kids, and tons of clever quips. Alas, I am not, so I can only Blog when I don't mind missing out on some sleep. I should be mopping. I am not.

Today was Abbie's 3rd birthday and I felt compelled to give that sweet girl a shout out. She had a magician/ballon artist at her party. Well done Mommy, well done.

Brandon was a hit with all the kids, young and old!

Happy Birthday Abbie!

Thankful

I am thankful for this little man, washable paint, fall, and pumpkins. What are you thankful for?

Cool Cornucopia Fall Greeting

Unique party invitations and announcements by Shutterfly.

View the entire collection of cards.

Hello World I Miss You!

Don't ask me where I have been because I do NOT know. I haven't accomplished a single thing. Not one. I haven't watched movies, caught up on my note writing, cleaned my house, read a book. I haven't cured any diseases, solved any problems, or invented anything.

I have played a lot with this little guy! Does it get any better than that?

Sweet Ginger did a photo shoot for us. This is one of my favorites:

No, You Are Mistaken, This Girl Is Your Twin!

Today was Leslie's Care/Love Shower. It ended up not being a surprise because someone forwarded her the invite. I won't dwell on this fact, but I was pretty tore up.

Everyone did such an incredible job. Allison made these awesome pom poms that were hanging from the ceiling, a huge fruit salad, bracelets, brought balloons, centerpieces, and pink ribbons. She also worked her butt off getting ready and cleaning up.

I snapped this shot of her and baby girl, and I have to say, I heart it. Look at those bangs. Identical!!

Dear Blog

Dear Blog,
I have missed you. I feel less witty and likable without you. I would like to invite you back in to my life. Once I complete the 85 loads of laundry, and vacuum my floors I hope to invite you back in to my world.

I would like to tell you about:

1. My sweet Leslie, so you can think about her and offer her your love and support.
2. The B-eautiful Elmo picture Ginger's mom painted to commemorate Avery's First Birthday.
3. Avery's upcoming Tube "surgery". Surgery sounds so serious, but I have been assured it is not. I am still very afraid. It is on the 15th.
   
4. My disdain for Tiki Barber. BTW, Tiger says thanks Tiki. At least his wife wasn't pregnant with twins, and he can "blame" his illness. Between you and Jesse James, Tiger Woods is a regular Casanova. I saw Tiki on Sesame Street. He was learning about the word quest. He was on a quest to learn about quest. It was so clever. Greg said Tiki must have been on a quest for something else. Something staring with the letter "P" perhaps. Grover, can you please explain this to Tiki in terms he might understand.
5. Jesse James, really? You are sleeping beside of Sandra Bullock every night, and you take comfort in the arms of a tatted up HO! Don't get me wrong, I never thought the guy with the "get paid" tatoo in the palm of his hand was a boy scout, but you cheated on the girl next door. Way to go IDIOT. New rule, if your wife is adored by millions, sick with cancer, or pregant, try to keep "little willie" in your pants. We are sick of you cheaters!

I shant over do it. Baby steps!

Warm and Toasty

I hope you are warm and toasty. I am loving being snowed in!

How I've Missed Thee Blog

Things I have considered blogging about while I have been away (an abbreviated look in to each topic):

1. Pharmaceutical Commercials - Do you get sick of these? Shouldn't your doctor be recommending drugs not your commercial break? Does every drug cause diarreah, excessive erections, and death? Seems that way to me.
2. Haiti - How can some idiot think that this is God's revenge on the only country every founded by slaves. I agree that we should "take care of our own", but to have hate in your heart for a country rocked by such horrible loss makes you insane, insensitive, inconsiderate, and just plain off your rocker.
3. Inconsiderate People - There is a couple at my daycare that really thinks they are just plain precious. They are both adorable. They remind me of plastic people. I cannot tell you how inconsiderate they are. I come to pick up Avery and they are standing in front of the door, at the reception desk, you name it. They act like they are the only people in the universe. They are your typical rich villains. Here's the thing, everyone wants to pick their kid up, not just you. So move your rich, snobby, white rumps out of the front of the freakin' door already. Gesh!
4. Gymboree - So Gymboree sucks me in with coupons, cute clothes, and Gym Bucks. Gym Bucks are a "future" discount on a predefined time frame. I had $25 in Gym Bucks. I drove Avery all the way to Winston on a Saturday and I couldn't find $50 worth of things to buy to use my $25 in Gym Bucks. It sucked. Plus, Gymboree is full of the aformentioned White, Entitled, Snobs. Gymboree, you are dead to me!
5. Target - What's up Target. You advertise this incredible deal on the Wii Fit which I have promised my dad for his birthday and then you don't have it, and I can't get a rain check? Not nice Target. Not nice. Watch you don't make the "Dead to Me List". Jimmy John's and Gymboree are getting mighty lonely.
6. Something The President said - Equal pay for equal work. What a theory. I hope this is a ball he can run with! I would like to be able to afford a stay at home husband.
   
7. The movie Valentine's Day - What a cast! I want to see it. I won't, but I want to.
8. Vomit - I am pretty sure Greg and I had the Noro Virus. It sucked. We puked. We puked a lot. It hurt. Chewed food should not come out your nose. EVER!
9. Time - There is never enough and it moves too fast. Avery is almost 1. What the what?
10. Excitement - Ginger and Christopher bought a new house, and I haven't even had a chance to chat with Ginger about it. I am so tickled for them, but I am sure she has no idea. I have been so swamped that I have not communicated this emotion at all.
11. Hand Me Downs - I went through the Avery had me down boxes and my little guy is rocking a whole new wardrobe. I love me some hand-me-downs.
12. Babies'r us - I need a coupon. If anyone sees one before Valentine's Day please share. I am hoping for a 20% off one!
    
13. Moe's - I love Moe's. Moe's is my most favorite burrito joint. Welcome to Moe's indeed! I will eat Q'Doba or Chipolte, but I love Moe's!
14. Haircut - My haircut is so overdue and I want to try and look more presentable. I must schedule a haircut soon.
15. Lindsey - Lindsey Y. is one of the funniest, most unique people, I have ever met in my life. On a daily basis Lindsey makes one of two things happen: snot comes out of my nose accidentally because I am laughing so hard, or I pee my pants a little because I see her before I make it to the bathroom and she says something hysterical.
16. Bathroom Etiquette - There is a lady at my work who doesn't wash her hands after she uses the bathroom. This amazes me. Yuck freak! Yuck! While we are on this subject, if you need to blow up the bathroom in the middle of the day, please go to another floor. That's what I do!
17. I've missed you blog. Life really is full of things to blog about.
    

Weirdness and More Weirdness

Do you ever stand around and just listen to other people's conversations and think, "really?" It happens to me all of the time.

Lindsey and I walked up to Quizno's to grab a bit-o-nourishment today. Before I dive in, let me give you a couple of random updates. First, it was cold. Like Well Digger's Butt cold. I personally have never touched a Well Digger's Butt, but according to my dad's catch phrase dictionary, they are pretty freakin' cold. Lindsey popped her collar up Elvis style and instead of looking ridiculous, she looked uber cute. I, quite to the contrary, just looked cold. I considered turning back COLD, but I didn't want to seem like a quitter and Lindsey was keeping me entertained as she is SUPER funny. Anyhow, I thought I might die, but we made it. On the walk back Lindsey talked about how she needed a hat. I quietly thought, yeah, a hat would be nice. I have a hat, but it is at home on my kitchen table. I swear to you, my bones were hurting. I sit down at my desk and realize that my coat has a hood. WHAT THE WHAT? Really? I just about froze my ears off and the whole time there was a hood piled up on my back. Gesh, I really do get dumber every day.

Any who, back to the point. While Lindsey was getting our Free drinks (thanks the to Coupons4Winston website), I was paying. When I walked over to where Lindsey was I noticed she was being really still. You know the still, like I see a snake or a bear or maybe a roach, but I don't want to acknowledge it, still. Of course, I start talking to her and she gives me the shut the freak up gritted teeth stare. It is then that I tune in to the conversation going on behind us. This guy is talking about finding Jesus in a meteor storm in the dark on a concrete basketball court. Now look, I have no problem with finding Jesus, but this guy was telling a story that made me feel like any old second he was going to offer me a cup of Kool-Aid, and I was not interested at all. Lindsey, on the other hand, was transfixed which got me totally tickled. Had I lost it and started giggling, I am pretty sure this dude would have pulled a snake out of his pocket and tried to heal me. You really had to be there, but dang it was funny, and for once it was awesome to have a witness along. Generally this strange crap only happens when I have not a witness one.

On a related, but different note, I have really started noticing signs more and more. All through Christmas the Aunt Beas in Pilot had this sign up:

Merry
Christmas Ham Plate
$4.99

I can't even count the number of times that Greg and I said "Merry Christmas Ham Plate" during the holidays. I hope it was also Happy for Ham Plate and his/her family. It also said Merry Christmas Chicken Biscuit for a hot minute. It didn't have the same ring!

That's two rounds of weirdness, but I have one more. Today at lunch my boss' boss was walking around asking if anyone had a can opener. Good old Super Dave knew where one was. The next thing I see is Peter (boss' boss) on his way to the kitchen, open can in hand. The suspense was killing me, so I say, "whatcha eatin?" To which he replies, "green beans". Really, you are eating a can of Lowe's Foods brand green beans for lunch? Is it just me or is that totally random. This man stands out in the freezing cold to smoke, and this is his lunch? Wow!